The Comparison Trap: Envy
In case you did not know, the goal of this blog is to: “encourage others to be the best version of themselves”. But what happens when it is hard to do this. What about those times when we compare our journey to others, and begin to wish that we would have had an opportunity someone else was given? Envy is unfortunately common in our society and many people have dealt with this in one way or another. Not only does this cause resentment in our relationships, but it can damage our self-esteem and outcome in life if we allow it to. So, how do we begin to eliminate and prevent envy in our own lives? (Disclaimer: comparison does not always lead to envy, however, if left unchecked it can and that is what we want to avoid 🙂 )
Envy: a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck.
Be honest with how you feel
First and foremost, when dealing with any type of emotion (especially one that can be damaging) it is necessary to address it. This is probably one of the hardest things to do because if we are honest with ourselves, nobody wants to be labeled as being “jealous”. However, we cannot allow feelings of resentment build up because the outcome can be detrimental. This is important because it will help you with the next step. Getting to the root of the feeling. Is there an area that you are comparing yourself in (relationships, success, popularity, etc.)? Are you discouraged because you are not where you want to be? Do you feel that you deserve more in life? Knowing the root of your emotions allows you to address them head on. When these feelings come about one of the best things to do is talk them through in the beginning. This does not mean to gossip, however, talking with a trusted friend, mentor, or even the individual can help eliminate some feelings of resentment before they grow out of control. (Here is a sermon from Steven Furtick where he talked a little on this! I recommend watch the entire video but that part I am referring to starts at 06:22!)
“A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.” (Proverbs 14:31 ESV)
Ignore the hype
A lot of the time when we want something that God has not given us it is because we are trying to obtain a level of perfection or success that the world has created. In this era of technology, one of the greatest generators of envy can be (but does not have to be) social media. We are constantly able to see someone else’s life through rose colored lenses making us feel as though our life is lacking in some way. When trying to overcome envy an important thing to do is to focus on God’s destiny for your life. That means not trying to meet the standards that society has set or even the ones you have set, especially if it is not aligned to what God says. So, what does God say exactly?
We are all created by God to do His works! (Ephesians 2:10)
His plans for us will bring welfare and hope! (Jeremiah 29:11)
All things work together for His good (even if we cannot see it in the moment)! (Romans 8:28)
Remembering these things can help refocus your thinking when you find yourself in a place of discouragement.
Pain at the sight of another’s good fortune, stirred by “those who have what we ought to have.” Aristotle
Take a break if need be
Limit the amount of time spent planting and watering the seeds of envy. Sometimes even following the steps above may not change how you feel, and that happens. Taking a break from a situation can actually be the most beneficial thing in this instance. While for some this may mean cutting back on social media, for others this might mean stepping away from certain settings. Regardless of what this may look like for you make sure you use this break wisely. Some things to keep in mind are:
Do NOT isolate yourself completely. Still engage with friends and family or do things that bring you joy.
Do spend time in prayer and reading your Bible. These are the best forms of communication that we have with God and should always be used in every season of our lives.
Do NOT dwell on what you are supposed to be taking a break from. Let this time be a period of rest not of “semi-worry”.
Do have a time limit. Unless you are coming out of a toxic situation or environment, never let a situation stop you from doing something you love (you will regret it later).
Photo by Alexis Brown on Unsplash
Appreciate the things you have
Finally, I want to send you all off with my last point which is to appreciate the life you have. Regardless of where you are in relation to someone else, you have come a long way as an individual. It can be hard not to look next to us to see what another person is doing, but it should not consume us. Take the time today and make a list of all the things you have accomplished (no matter how big or small) and look at that list as much as you need to. God has a great plan for your life and for the lives of those around you. Each of our journeys will look different but in the end we will all reign victorious. Overcoming negative feelings that stem from comparison is not easy, but it is possible.
If you are going through this season in your life do not be too hard on yourself. You are not alone. Be honest with yourself and seek God to bring you out of it!
Let’s chat! Have you ever gone through a period of time where comparing yourself to others became damaging? What are some ways you have learned to overcome those feelings? Share in the comments below!
The Comparison Trap: Envy
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