Great Expectations: dealing with disappointment and feelings of failure
No matter how much someone achieves in life, sometimes the feeling of falling short will always linger. This was something that I have experienced throughout my entire academic career. I was never the “smartest”, but I always managed to perform well academically and was at least decent at many of the extra-curricular activities I was apart of. However, I always felt as if there was more that needed to be done. While some of what I was feeling was a result of comparison (more on that in a later post), most of this feeling was attributed to expectations. The expectations I had for myself, my parents’ expectations for me, my friends’ expectations for me, *insert a category that applies to you*. Most of all as I grew in my spiritual life, I began to really consider God’s expectations for me.
The pressure that comes from expectations can really weigh us down (emotionally, spiritually, etc.) if we allow it to. If we are being honest with ourselves, we all have felt pressured to achieve certain expectations or “have it all together” at some point in our lives. We may have also tried to mask the fact that we felt this way at some point or another. The truth is trying to have it all together is stressful and unnecessary because in life things will shift. As you grow you will change socially, financially, physically, spiritually, etc. While it is ideal for everyone to always find success and never come across a hardship, in reality that is not always the case. There will be times when things seem to be stagnant or declining and in those moments not meeting certain expectations can make us feel as though we failed. But my challenge for you (and myself) is to forget about the things that cannot be controlled and focus on what can be controlled.
If we are being honest with ourselves, we all have felt pressured to achieve certain expectations or “have it all together” at some point in our lives.
Yes, it’s important to have expectations, but they shouldn’t overshadow your current progress and success. There have been so many times when I have been in tears because my expectations did not align with my reality. I would be so overwhelmed because a plan fell through which in my eyes set me back from my goals. Nothing seemed to be going right no matter what I did! It was not until recently (after conversations with my roommate, friends, parents, and God) that I started to take a step back and analyze my situation. Sometimes there were areas where I fell short and I had to learn from it. Other times the matter was completely out of my control and I had to deal with it. It was not easy to accept the things that were beyond my control because no matter how I looked at it my (and possibly others) expectations for myself failed. However, remembering these things helped a lot:
God’s expectations should take precedence: When God sets an expectation for me as a believer it’s important that I focus on that first. Why? Because He is the one who gives our lives purpose and meaning. He knows where we need to be (and where we don’t need to be). And honestly, sometimes our expectations limit what we can do or just aren’t the best thing for us in that season.
Everything happens for a reason: Yes, we have expectations for ourselves, but life always seems to have a way of working out in the long run. When I remember this, it helps me to stop dwelling on what is not happening and focus on what could happen in the future or what has happened. Take some time to appreciate what you have accomplished. Even if it seems small in the moment it matters and will matter in the future.
Things still have to get done: This is so important because worrying about failed expectations means time is being spent where it doesn’t need to be! Yes, there will be some time needed to reflect and readjust but it shouldn’t last forever. Focus on what can be changed and change it! Everything else will work its way out eventually (nothing lasts forever)!
Takeaway: Don’t let the pressures of expectations overwhelm you. Whether they are yours, a loved one’s, etc. You are exactly where you need to be not a step behind and not a step ahead. Take time to enjoy where you are. Focus on what you can control and give God what you cannot. He’s been with you this far and He will not give up on you now!
Let’s chat! Have you ever been overwhelmed by expectations? How did you deal with it?
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